Children and Divorce
Children and Divorce don't usually go well together. It will be a tough transition for the children even if you have an amicable divorce. They may be able to stay in the family home for a specified time period, or maybe you all will move. Financially, that also means less, but that is not the end of the world.
Turnaround: Help for Your Anxious Child
You already know how much your children will need you to be emotionally stable and able to help them as they go through the process of divorce also. You must take care of yourself and them as best as you can.
There are so many things that come up for a parent who is divorcing. Child care, if you have young children, your teen's health, lifestyle issues, family activities, custody, and visitation are all very important. It is good for you to consider these things while you are still legally married. Try to make a list of the things you would like, and try to come to an agreement with your ex. (Rather than allowing a judge to make a biased decision FOR you). Get it in the CIS (Case Information Statement) so it is legal.
Learn more about Children and Divorce here:
- Custody and visitation Plans,Our Family Wizard can help you get started with your custody schedule
- Activities with Children on a Budget,
- Talking to your Children about Divorce,
- Childcare with Care.com, my recommendation for childcare through the web. If you have children of any age, it's important to screen well for caregivers. Care.com does background checks, and sets up caregivers and families to work together. This is the only great web resource of this type I have found, and they have a BBB rating of A. Find Your Ideal Sitter. Fast & Easy.
- Advocating for your Children,
- Positive Parenting, and
Children and Divorce: Parenting with Anxiety in Children
If your child is suffering from any type of anxiety, I have a great program for you. This one was created with divorce in mind, however, will treat or help with many anxiety issues like OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder), separation anxiety, panic, and general fears.
Divorce does create a variety of fears in children. And children want to know that their mom or dad is still going to be there for them. Children wish to maintain relationships with both parents, if that was the norm before the divorce. Children of divorce have a sense that adults let them down--their primary caregivers are letting them down. They need a lot of reassurance that things will be alright.
Children and Divorce: Child Discipline
You may have heard that discipline is a strict form of parenting so that your children follow the rules. This is really not the case! Parenting well means that your children follow the rules--out of love and respect for you. If you are heavy-handed, a yeller, a complainer, chances are: your child will end up a lot like you. Child discipline is a byproduct of handling your child's worst and most frustrating behaviors with love. There is much information about this in Doctor William Sears' books.
Children are most likely to listen to you and follow your rules when you have made them feel terrific. Then, they will want to please you more! If you say, "No," too much to children of any age, the child will want to reject your position more often. So, say, "Yes," to as much as you can...
Just changing the way you say certain things can make a big difference!
- Yes, you may climb here, where it's safer, but not there.
- Yes, you may eat this because it's good for you, but that is a treat that you can have another time.
- Yes, try that your own way. Does it work? If not, try this.
- Mommy/Daddy really loves you and doesn't want you to get hurt. Come off the couch and play hide and seek with me.
So, saying things in a loving way and at the right time and following through shows the child that you care. This provides a foundation for the child to always remember and listen to the care you've already given. The child will build on that and care for him/herself
after you have cared for him/her.
Children and Divorce: Give Your Children the Benefits of Emotional Intelligence
Emotional Intelligence is a concept made popular by Daniel Goleman, Ph.D. Basically, if you prepare children to view the world with the "correct" emotions, then they are healthier.
My friend, Helen, has created a site to help you understand emotional intelligence and how it can help you and your children communicate better, cope, and solve problems. Learn About Helping Your Child Deal with the Stress of a Divorce situation by developing their emotional intelligence.
Real-Divorce Recommends the following Children and Divorce Articles:
Daycare, Childcare, Babysitter, and Nanny Help
Therapy for Children and Divorce
Disclaimer: The information on this site is for educational purposes only. It is not legal advice and may not apply to your situation. I take the time to gather the best information to those going through divorce, and offer a place for readers to learn, get support and fantastic resources, and find applicable products that are a good fit for them. You can support this site by purchasing high quality products or services from the sponsors I link to.