Divorce Counseling should probably have begun with "Marriage Counseling" first. If you have any chances of saving your marriage, you may wish to try counseling or mediation services that could work for you, before you proceed with a divorce.
Unfortunately, many couples don't think they have the power to help themselves through rough times. Yet, many do! Sometimes, a change in perception--which can come in so many ways (discussion with someone new, reading new material, or rethinking old problems and possible solutions)--can be the answer to the problems you are facing. I don't claim to have all the answers, just some helpful info.
And, some couples know that they need marriage counseling or divorce counseling, but don't know what to do or how to go about it. They don't know if they should be open and tell others, or keep it quiet. I have some potential solutions, but only you can tell what is best for you.
Traditional Divorce Counseling
Typically, counseling is costly, and for a potentially divorcing couple, the stats are, about 90% are going to divorce anyway, at least in the US. And, my personal beliefs/bias is toward personal growth, rather than traditional counseling.
I think it's more useful to learn about your own personal perspective, and try to realize which things are "off" there, before expecting any counselor to make dramatic changes for you. Because it's really all about how YOU are viewing things. Your personal pains and the things that bother you and the things you complain about, have to do with YOUR perspective. Not everyone would agree that those things are troublesome.
So, in order to gain some reality, I think everyone should take a good look in the mirror first. Of course, partners will have issues also, but in the long run, it's better to focus on what you yourself can change, than to point fingers at a spouse. First of all, when you tell a spouse that they are bad or weak, they will most likely not want to talk to you about it. They might argue, tell you your faults, or get defensive. It's not productive!
Better to "be the change you'd like to see in the world."
So, I think "traditional counseling" falls short most times, because it keeps clients coming back in for more complaining sessions, but doesn't necessarily help the client see themselves as they really are. And the truth is, each of knows what is at the heart of our problems. We usually don't need a professional to tell us what's wrong with us or what our issues are. We already know!
Once you "know" though, you will still need a plan to get happier, get more out of life, get out of depression, etc...you will need some basic self-help for your divorce counseling.
Communication Can Help
Honestly, Communication is only part of the "answer" to why some couples stay married. Having the right "perspective" is really how people stay married. Because as the serenity poem goes, sometimes there are things in a marriage that simply can't be changed, and then, an individual must decide if he/she can stay or not.
Having good communication skills does help, even if only ONE party seeks help. Sometimes that means saying the right things at the right time, and sometimes it means keeping quiet and NOT interjecting one's thoughts into another's. It really can mean a lot of things. Being effective at communication will definitely help either to save your marriage or during your divorce, and you can find some great ways to improve your skills at handling conflict and lots of information here at www.CommunicationAndConflict.com. Now is the time to improve your own life skills!
Self-Hypnosis Can Help for Divorce Counseling
Now, my life is not perfect. But, the first time I tried self-hypnosis (when I was 24), I said to myself, "there's no way I'll get hypnotized just by listening to a tape," and boy, was I wrong. I put it on before I went to bed, and let it lull me to sleep. I played it again when I awakened.
What a relief! It not only worked, but I felt a lot better...I was "sold." Now, I use it only occasionally, when I need a stress reliever...or in childbirth.
Over the years, I've bought many self-hypnosis tapes, CDs, and have begun putting them on my MP3 player. This makes it so easy to take along anywhere. They don't have to put you to sleep, but you should do it when you are in a safe place to relax. For instance, don't put it on while driving.
Articles about Hypnosis
5 Hypnosis Myths Exploded
OVER the years, hypnosis has picked up all sorts of weird associations from stage hypnotists, the media and superstition. This is a great shame, because in reality, hypnosis is your single most effective tool for change. Hypnosis is your birthright, and you should know how to use it so it doesn't use you. Here we dispel the biggest hypnosis myths.
Hypnosis Myth 1) All hypnosis is the same
As with anything, hypnosis can be good, bad or indifferent. The most common is old-style authoritarian hypnosis of the type "You are getting sleepy, you are feeling confident". Unsurprisingly, this sort of hypnosis doesn't work well with many people. Good hypnosis uses subtle psychological principles and advanced communication patterns.
It's like the difference between a football coach who thinks you'll perform best if he yells at you, compared with the more elegant style of a great leader who knows that to get the best from his people, he needs to understand motivation, to cajole, encourage and reward.
Hypnosis Downloads.com offers hundreds of sessions using the best type of hypnosis.
Hypnosis Myth 2) Subliminals work
Subliminals are words that you can't hear. Common sense says they shouldn't work, and there's no research proving that they do.
Hypnosis Myth 3) Some people can't be hypnotized
The only reason you can't be hypnotized is if you are incapable of paying attention due to extremely low IQ or brain damage. That's not to say that every hypnotist can hypnotize you however. The more flexible the hypnotist, the more effective she will be with the largest number of people.
Hypnosis Myth 4) Hypnosis is something weird that other people do to you
If you couldn't go into hypnosis, you wouldn't be able to sleep, to learn, or get nervous through 'negative self hypnosis'. (You know when you imagine things going wrong and it makes you feel anxious? Well that's self hypnosis!)
Hypnosis is simply a deliberate utilization of the REM (Rapid Eye Movement) or dream state. We're not giving people medication here – if it wasn't a natural ability, hypnosis wouldn't work!
Hypnosis Myth 5) You lose control in hypnosis
Crazy news stories, stage hypnotists and gossip have created the illusion that you lose control in hypnosis. In fact, when hypnotized, you are relaxed and focused – and able to choose to get up and walk away at any time. You choose to give your attention to the hypnotist, and you can withdraw it at any time.
If you have been scared of hypnosis in the past, this article has hopefully convinced you to at least give it a try. But remember, ensure what you're getting is the real thing. Visit www.hypnosisdownloads.com
[Notes for use: you are licensed only to use this material unaltered to promote the www.hypnosisdownloads.com affiliate program.]
Article by Mark Tyrrell of Hypnosis Downloads.com.
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