How to get through a Contested Divorce: It's unfortunate when one party in a couple wishes to divorce. But if one or both people are adversarial, it's a lot worse. But who's divorce is completely amicable anyhow? The facts are this though: most divorces will wind up being uncontested divorces, simply because:
- The couple doesn't have any money for attorneys,
- The couple uses their monies between the separation and the court date,
- The couple doesn't have the time and energy to devote to the contested divorce process (which is long, tedious, and energy-draining),
- The couple is smart enough to plan their divorce wisely and don't wish to throw away their money.
It is a great idea to get your important questions answered as early as possible. Using an attorney
for a consult is always a good choice. For instance, it doesn't make sense to fight with your soon to be ex, regardless of who wants the divorce, because certain things are already "given."
If you live in NJ, it's an equitable distribution state
and most likely, it's a 50-50 split. Unless you have an extreme situation or a lot of money to use for attorneys, there isn't much of a need to argue this point. It is negotiable, but like I said, it's mostly for "certain" lucky individuals, not average folks! You can find the answers to many of your questions right here, just use the sitemap.
Some couples, however, do have real issues resolving their differences. Some counties even offer mediation sessions to assist couples to settle their issues before the court date.
The Biggest Issues Lie in Splitting Up Stuff!
Unfortunately, parting with shared "items" can be difficult, be it a favorite couch or something with genuine sentimental value. A fair situation would involve each party keeping what was really theirs to begin with and splitting up any further acquired items and money evenly.
That being said, I also think certain situations would warrant more to one party (like putting a career on hold for family), and think everyone should read up on Inheritances in the Property Division section.
What is Mediation?
Mediation is a process that uses a facilitator to assist the couple in settling their differences. This trained facilitator should be able to diffuse some of the negative feelings associated with divorce with good techniques, but is not necessarily a "counselor".
Mediation can speed up the divorce process, make both parties feel more comfortable with the upcoming changes that will be inevitable, and save the parties a lot of money.
Some people try mediation but feel that they have certain legal concerns that only attorneys could help with. In these cases, using a team of collaborative attorneys would be more practical.
What is a Collaborative Divorce?
With a collaborative divorce, each spouse uses a collaborative attorney to ensure that the law has been checked, and together, the team of four work to come to an amicable solution.
Contested Divorce--A Last Resort or The Only Way
A last resort? I believe it's best to use one of the alternatives I've offered here before following through with a contested divorce. This is mostly because should the parties use attorneys, the attorneys will be scrambling right at the end, even at the court house, attempting to get you--their client--to agree under pressure, to things you may not wish to do.
I think it's best to come to these important decisions with some forethought, and not leave these options to someone else to make for you. If you do not agree, the judge will decide for you.
However, I do also think it's important to mention that if your divorce involves any type of abuse, drug use, or incarceration, it may be in your best interests to not only get divorced ASAP, but to make sure the courts know your reasons.
For divorce paperwork, I highly recommend Rocketlawyer's services.
ALL Legal Documents are FREE to TRY These documents can be created at your own pace, and changed as you make agreements, so in the end, the divorce may begin as a contested divorce, but turn into an uncontested one.
Other Real-Divorce Articles you may find helpful:
Disclaimer: The information on this site is for educational purposes only. It is not legal advice and may not apply to your situation. I take the time to gather the best information to those going through divorce, and offer a place for readers to learn, get support and fantastic resources, and find applicable products that are a good fit for them. You can support this site by purchasing high quality products or services from the sponsors I link to.